Sibling rivalry can range from a mild spat or quarrel to fist fighting, and in cases of history and literature, has even resulted in death. All this stemming from feelings of jealousy, lack of love, low self-worth, and lack of a sense of belonging. If not resolved in childhood, these rivalries can continue to exist through adulthood and some even take these rivalries to their grave.
Here are 5 tips to help children overcome sibling rivalry.
Tip # 1 Refrain from taking ownership of their conflict.
By not taking ownership, we refrain from getting emotionally involved and can guide them through to a resolve in a calm and loving manner.
If we resolve their conflict, we are actually robbing them of valuable life lessons that can serve them in their future.
Allow them to experience the natural consequences of their actions.
Tip #2 Empower the siblings to resolve their own conflicts.
Have confidence in their ability to create a solution.
Let them know that they are powerful creators and they have the power to create something different.
Children want to be trusted to make their own choices. They innately want to do good and to please others, but often times they just aren’t clear on how to do that.
Tip #3 Have each one take accountability for their part in creating the conflict.
Have them repeat the following phrase 3 times, “I have something to do with everything that happens to me in my life”
Ask them what they may have done to create it. We create conflicts and situations by what we perceive, choose, ignore, allow, tolerate and/or put out.
Take accountability for how you, the adult, may have created the conflict as well.
Tip #4 Guide them to create their resolve through a series of questions.
What are you experiencing? (Sadness, anger, frustration, disappointment, jealousy?)What does it feel like? (heavy, pressure, limiting)
Do you like this feeling? (They usually don’t)
How would you rather feel? /What do you choose to create? (Happiness, Love, Unity, Belonging)
What are some ways you could create that? (Be nice, share, serve…)
Invite them to take action.
Tip #5 Consider the Cause and Shower the Love
An event happens where a child perceives something through their limited understanding and knowledge. It may be something so simple as observing their parent giving love to another sibling. They want this… but they don’t have it at that moment. There is a feeling of lack and then jealousy. Now they set out on a mission to get it… whatever it takes. They explore, test limits, put others down to make themselves feel more important, or do things to stand out in order to get attention.
Please know that the desire of ALL children (not to mention the whole of the human race) is to feel loved, accepted and that they belong. They want to feel important and special. So why not invest a moment of your day to shower them with love and admiration. Let them know how special they are by focusing on and praising their strengths, talents, abilities and beauty.
By following these tips, you are giving the gift of Empowerment. Invest in the children! They are our future. A small investments of time, patience, guidance and love can save years and generations of frustration, heartache and suffering. Empowerment will last their entire lifetime and can catapult them to success on so many levels.
If you would like assistance with this process. I have created a tool that provides the framework for empowering children, youth, and adult alike to be conscious creators. It comes in the form of a children’s book entitled, You Are a Powerful Creator, My Little One: Creating Happiness which is based on actual events of the first moment I shared this simple concept of being a powerful creator with my eldest son when he was 8. I continue to use this pattern with my children today. Perhaps our experience can serve you in transforming your own family relationships!
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